"You're so brave."
Am I? I don't think so. You can pretty much replace brave with strong, courageous, inspirational....all of which are highly complimentary, and something I really don't think I deserve.
I always thought this was an interesting response when I told people I had MS. And to be clear, I always thank them before generally saying, "It is what it is," with a shrug. I used to say, "It's fine," because that's what our society has conditioned us to say. It would just come out of my mouth automatically - no thinking. Pretty early on though, I realized the automatic response was dumb, because it's NOT fine. It f*cking sucks and it's terrifying. But because that's still not a socially acceptable answer, I stick with "It is what is," because at least that's true.
I digress.
I was talking with my best friend who had been diagnosed with breast cancer - she has since been through treatments and is cancer-free and doing well - and she was also running into this response, which she also thought was weird. Both of us were were always caught off guard because we're like....what other choice do we have? She told me though, "One woman I was talking with made it make sense. You and I don't see another choice, we just do what we need to. She said that a lot of people don't though. They just choose NOT to. So just by existing, we're viewed as brave."
She's right though. I don't HAVE to do all the things I do. In my mind though, I don't see an option. Mostly because I'm stubborn, not because I feel like I'm on some moral pillar.
I'm not.
I'm definitely not.
If I can be inspiring to someone else because of my own stubbornness, that's awesome. I suppose that's what this whole thing *gestures broadly* is about anyway. I'm here to show that I am very specifically NOT brave. That it's ok if you don't want to be, there's no judgement from over here. I make the choices I make because I'm a weenie and I'd rather be mostly comfortable and not feel like trash all the time. The things that make me feel gross aren't the same for other people, and they do different things.
We're all brave in different ways. I'm not special. Which is the best thing I've ever been told by a therapist, ever.
But that's a story for another day.
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